Saddened Skies

Raindrops fall from saddened skies

Tormented by the pain

Weakened by the rage inside

Now no tears remain

Frozen by this winter storm

Thundering in my mind

Memories take nightmarish form

Too haunting to unwind.

Katherine Spitzer

#poetry #trauma #ptsd

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Not Sought, Just Hide

She ran across the street, free or so she thought

Hiding in the bushes for hours, and the truth no matter the cost

What happened after her naked soul was bared, she has forgot

In the shame of the moment, a childhood was lost

If ever a childhood existed at all, it was certainly distorted

Never allowed to know of God’s love, left in a pit of darkness

Acceptance and love weren’t offered but ways behavior was rewarded

Responsible for the health and happiness of all, she learned she was worthless

While babysitting the boys bragged of their conquers of a child

Her sister found out the secret she knew she had to hide

And mocking the truth in front of their mother, she smiled

Looking up innocently in denial, believed by both that day, the soul of an 8 year old died.

Katherine Spitzer

#poetry #trauma #ptsd

Solitude

I wander blinding without a clue

Solitude

Darkness fills the space around me

A cloud the length of eternity

Alone and tired of this path

This darkness only leads to death

A place where rain falls and sunshine lacks

There are no steps forward, none back

Time and time again

It comes to this confusion

Happiness, an illusion, lies

And behind these tears I hide

Is there a time for me

To be let go and set free.

Katherine Spitzer 1988

#poetry #life #pain #depression


Gone

Gone with the wind

Is the love I felt for you

It ripped through my heart

Like a hurricane

Raging on

Tearing my world apart

It is now dead and gone

Buried

Never to live in my heart again.

Katherine Spitzer 1984

#poetry #pain #depression #betrayal

Nevaeh 💗 Heaven on Earth

Dear Ashley
I wanted to write to you
I pray for you daily
With a heart that is good and true

Although you do not know me well
You are often in my thoughts
You have walked through years of hell
That we have not forgotten

I read all of your precious notes
And I’ll never know the depths
That my heart breaks most
When I see your pain so immense

With a few words or a picture
As a window to your pain
The torment is so clear
That my tears fall like rain

Even from a distance
There’s hole in your heart
And all who have witnessed
It shattered and broken apart

I don’t think you ever wanted
To be known as brave and strong
That your pain must be daunting
That it must feel so wrong

For reasons we cannot know
Because it makes no sense at all
How a light that so brightly shone
Could suddenly turn dark

For absolutely sure
If given a chance
You’d move heaven and earth
To get your sunshine back

If I could have written
Your life as a song
Of the wishes you’re given
Almost all were to be Nevaeh mom

If there was a deal I could make
If God would let me choose
In a heartbeat I would take her place
And give her back to you

You are a truly amazing woman
Your faith in God shines through
You’ll see your baby girl again
Until then, God holds her tight for you

I’m sending tons of love your way
As well as my prayers up high
You can save them for rainy day
Or however you decide

Picture rainbows and shooting stars
To brighten your days or nights
Shining down on where you are
From the angels by your side.
Katherine Spitzer 11/25/18

#poetry #grief

Don’t Give Up

Sometimes life is
A little bit too much
When it is, remember this
Don’t give up
Every day will be
A new beginning
Yesterday is a memory
That you are forgiven
When the weight
Gets too heavy
Take a break
To get yourself steady
At some point
Everyone feels this way
You did not disappoint
The love for you remains
Take a breath
Finds a place
But don’t forget
The lessons of today
We learn as we live
That is the way it goes
Remember to forgive
Going down the road
Keep your heart open
To friendship and love
The way that it is spoken
By God above.
5/3/18
Katherine A. Spitzer

#poetry #life #resilience

The 2nd Call

The phone rang
Again today
And this time they said
Why you had went away

But there is little
Peace in knowing
And it doesn’t
Stop lonely

I went to
See you today
For the first time
Since you went away

I left eight
Red roses for you
And a few, for others
I loved too

And all the tears
I’ve held inside
Since the day
That you died

I have tried
To be so strong
Even though my heart
Has cried all along

I have written
A lot for you
And shared some
With a chosen few

My heart hurts
So deep
And I don’t know
How to find peace

I cannot believe
That I won’t share
Another birthday
With you there

You’ve been
With me – Always
And now it seems
I will count the days

Someone told me
To put knowing away for know
My reply was
Tell me how

You were such
A big part of me
Even when I
Didn’t choose to see

Someone said today
To find relief
In knowing that you
Did not choose to leave

But the truth is
I still have tears
And You are
No longer here

My ears ache
To hear
Your voice
To be near

The jokes
You dared
The laughter
We shared

Still bring
A smile
And they will
For quite awhile

You were the quiet
The easy one
And your eyes saw
Far beyond the sun

It was
Always believed
That you would
Do great things

And you did
You loved me
Even when
It wasn’t easy

No one else
Ever knew
The pains between
Me and you

You were the
Only one to see
Things with the same
Eyes as me

I think that
I will try
To make my life better
As time goes by

But do not
Think that I
Won’t think of
You or try

To leave you behind
Because I will
Think of you – Always
From now until

I see your eyes
Big brown- again
For now I will miss
You, so much my friend.
Katherine Spitzer

#poetry #grief #mytwindied